The Escapades of Lord Bunbury
by Jollyhohnson
Summary: Based on the play 'The Importance of Being Earnest' by Oscar Wilde. It's set after the play featuring a character called Bunbury. It's a comedy, so hopefully it will make you laugh. I've included a summary for those who don't know the play.
1. An Unexpected Meeting

**I just had to write this fan fiction. It's inspired by the play, 'The Importance of being Earnest' and involves a certain character called Bunbury.**

For those of you who haven't heard of the play, here's a summary:

'The Importance of being Earnest' begins with two characters called Algernon, who has a taste for cucumber sandwiches, and Earnest. Algernon discovers that the inscription on his good friend Earnest's cigarette case is to someone called Jack from a young woman named Cecily. This leads to the discovery that Earnest is not really who he claims to be and is in fact called Jack and lives in the country. At the country Jack has the responsibility of looking after his ward, a young woman named Cecily who Algernon shows great curiosity for. Jack uses the excuse of a little brother called Earnest in order to escape his responsibilities and go to the town whenever he likes. As Earnest, Jack met Algernon and also Algernon's cousin named Gwendolen. Earnest/Jack proposes to Gwendolen who immediately accepts, declaring that she has had a life-long ambition to marry a man called Earnest. However Lady Bracknell, (also known as Aunt Augusta), Gwendolen's mother and Algernon's Aunt, forbids the engagement. This is because Earnest/Jack has no parents as he was found in a handbag at a train station and has only reached his place in high society after being taken in by a rich gentleman. Earnest/Jack gives Gwendolen the address of his county home so she can visit him. Algernon listens in and writes this address on his cuff. He then declares he is going Bunburying.

(Bunburying is the name Algernon gives to when you create a false identity. Algernon has created a character called Bunbury who is apparently always ill so he can use the excuse of visiting him in order to go to the country whenever he wants, or to use as an excuse not to go to certain social meetings. Jack has created a character called Earnest, who he pretends to be while he is in the town.)

Algernon travels to the country and pretends to be Earnest, Jack's troublesome younger brother. Meanwhile, in town, Jack is also pretending to be Earnest. In fact, Earnest doesn't exist. At Jack's country home, Algernon meets Cecily, Jack's ward. From Jack's stories of his irresponsible brother, Cecily has become very interested in Earnest and although they have never met before she has already written romantic fantasies between them in her diary and also written letters from Earnest to herself. It is not long until the two fall in love.

It is at this point that Jack travels back to his country home, deciding that to marry Gwendolen he must kill off his pretend brother Earnest. He arrives dressed in black with an announcement that Earnest has died abroad. However, Cecily declares that it must be a mistake or a trick as his brother Earnest is staying with them. When Jack discovers Algernon pretending to be Earnest staying at his house he is very angry. However, he cannot reveal who Algernon really is or he would also have to reveal that he too has been playing a false identity. He orders a dog cart to take Algernon back to the town, saying that he will not speak any more to his ward Cecily. Algernon, as Earnest, sends the dog cart away and proposes to Cecily who declares that they have already been engaged. (This is one of Cecily's fantasies written in her diary.) She also declares that it has been a girlish dream of hers to marry a man called Earnest.

Both Jack and Algernon are trying to arrange a christening so that they can be christened as Earnest for the women they love.

At this point, Gwendolen arrives at Jack's country house, or Earnest as she thinks he is called. She and Cecily quickly become good friends and sit in the garden to talk. In the course of their conversation it is revealed that they are both engaged to be married to Earnest and after this they quickly fall out, both determined to rescue their man from the other. When Jack enters Gwendolen goes to him and asks him if he is to marry Cecily. Cecily declares that she knew there was some mistake and tells Gwendolen that the man is not Earnest, but Jack her guardian. Then Algernon enters and Cecily goes to him. It is then Gwendolen's turn to tell Cecily that the man is not earnest, but Algernon, her cousin. They quickly discover what has happened and the two girls embrace, leaving the men to sort themselves out.

In this scene the two men realize that their false pretences are no more, they also have an argument over the muffins as Algernon begins to eat them. They discover that both of them are arranged to be christened as Earnest. They approached the two women and tell them that they are intending to be christened and the two couples forgive each other and embrace. At this point Lady Bracknell enters. (She also asks Algernon is this is were his dear friend Bunbury lives but Algernon tells her it is not and that in fact Bunbury is dead. Effectively, he kills Bunbury of but only Algernon, Jack and Algernon's Butler - Lane - know that Bunbury never existed.) Lady Bracknell finds out what s going on and decides that Algernon may marry Cecily due to Cecily's great wealth. However, Jack declares that as Cecily's guardian he will not allow her to marry unless lady Bracknell allows him and Gwendolen to marry. Lady Bracknell does not want her only daughter to marry Jack, due to his background and so does not agree.

Things take a strange turn of events as Lady Bracknell catches sight of Cecily's tutor, Mrs. Prism, and declare 'Where is that baby?' It turns out that Prism was given charge of a baby but accidentally but it in the handbag while putting a manuscript in the baby's perambulator. She left the handbag at the station and after discovering that there was a manuscript in the pram instead of the baby she ran away. This baby turns out to be Jack and he finds out that he is Algernon's older brother. Now Lady Bracknell discovers his true heritage she agrees to let him and Gwendolen marry. But Jack stills wants to know his real name, and after looking in the army lists to find his father's name of which he was named after it turns out that is real name is after all . . . Earnest.

* * *

**Chapter One – An Unexpected Meeting**

SCENE: _Algernon is waiting at the train station looking impatient while crowds of people walk to and fro past him. The sound of other trains and the busy streets beyond can be heard._

**Algernon**: _(Looks down at his watch with a disgruntled sigh)_. Where is that blasted train! Don't they know dear Cecily is waiting for me and I can't be late.

_(The rumble of a dog-cart grows and then stops and a moment later a man can be heard shouting as the sound of dog cart fades away.)_

_Enter_ Bunbury.

**Bunbury**: _(Striding into the station)_ S'ink me, what is the point of public transport if one is so rudely forsaken in the middle of their journey!

**Algernon**: My dear fellow, whatever is the matter?

**Bunbury**: I happened to discover that I was rather short of change and after announcing it to the driver he made the most abrupt decision to stop and ordered me to vacate the carriage. I offered to complete my payment once I reached my destination but he rudely abandoned me here.

**Algernon**: Dear me, what an outrage! It's almost as if they didn't trust us higher men of society.

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, indeed! And now I find myself in the most awkward predicament with no money and no where to go.

**Algernon**: It is most tragic, but please, allow me to help you. I have a spare train ticket after an associate of mine made a sudden arrangement with a photographer and you are welcome to stay at my apartment in London.

**Bunbury**: How splendidly generous of you, but I couldn't accept.

**Algernon**: Oh please, I insist. May I introduce myself, I am Algernon Moncrieff.

**Bunbury**: And I am Lord Bunbury Cardinal, what a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

**Algernon**: _(eyes widening)_ B-B-Bunbury?! But how? Unless . . . Bunbury! My dear fellow, it's Alge. You must remember, from school.

**Bunbury**: S'ink me! Good heavens! It is you! I have to say you look splendid old chap. How fortunate to have met you.

**Algernon**: There is simply no question about it, you must accompany me home. There are so many years we need to catch up on.

_(Train enters the station to the grateful murmur of its waiting passengers.)_

**Algernon**: And look! Finally that damned train has arrived.

_(Algernon and Bunbury board the train, talking excitably. SCENE end.)_


	2. Cucumber Sandwiches

**Chapter Two – Cucumber Sandwiches**

SCENE: _The sitting room of Algernon's flat. Cecily watches the clock, shaking her head with a tut before going back to writing in a rather old diary. In the background a door opens and the sounds of the city flood in accompanied by the busy voices of Algernon and Bunbury. As the door closes Cecily puts down her diary and stands._

_Enter _Algernon andBunbury.

**Cecily**: My dearest Algernon, _(kisses him on the cheek)_, where have you been? Such worry is not suitable for a young lady's mind. _(Sees Bunbury and steps back)_. Oh.

**Algernon**: Dear Cecily, may I introduce you to Lord Cardinal. He's a good friend of mine and I have invited him to stay.

**Cecily**: _(curtseys politely) _A pleasure to meet you Lord Cardinal, but I'm quite sorry to say that Algernon has never mentioned to you.

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, no?

**Algernon**: _(laughs)_ Of course I have, just not in the conventional way. This, my dear fellow, is my charming wife, Mrs. Cecily Moncrieff.

**Bunbury**: _(in astonishment)_ You cannot be serious!

**Algernon & Cecily**: I beg your pardon?!

**Bunbury**: Algy, old chap, I did not intend any insult. S'ink me, indeed, she is the pure picture of beauty, but it is not what I expected. You mean to say that this young lady is your wife? That you are her husband? That you are now a married man?

**Algernon**: Of course, I am married to Cecily.

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, so you are! You always told me you would never marry. I distinctly remember you telling me that marriage was most unromantic and I've never imagined you as a man of responsibility.

**Algernon**: Nor did I my dear Bunbury, but it seems that I have changed. I have to admit, I took myself quite by surprise. My sweet Cecily and I have been married for almost two years now.

**Bunbury**: I would never have guessed, how wonderful.

**Cecily**: _(looking bemused)_ Bunbury? I apologize for my interruption, but I feel I must ask who your dear friend Lord Cardinal is? Did I hear you call him Bunbury?

**Algernon**: Indeed you did.

**Bunbury**: Algy and I went to school together Mrs. Moncrieff. We know each other quite well.

**Cecily**: Algy! You said your friend Bunbury was a dreadful invalid.

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, I am nothing of the sort.

**Cecily**: You told us all that he died after his physicians said he could not live.

**Bunbury**: I am certainly not dead. And s'ink me if I did die I would certainly choose a more stylish way to depart this world and make a distinct point to disagree with my physicians.

**Cecily**: Algernon Moncrieff! Explain yourself at once! Pray, please don't say it is another one of your tricks like when you deceived poor Uncle Jack- . . I mean, Earnest into thinking you had died.

**Algernon**: _(Sheepishly)_ I don't quite know what to say. But what I can tell you is that this is Bunbury, and that he is quite alive.

**Cecily**: Algy, (face softens) I have to say your deceptions and inventions still enchant me. Even now I am married to you I still find there are secrets I do not know. It is always good to know you are still the man I married. Excuse me, I must write this in my diary. _(aside)_ Oh, the scandal.

**Algernon**: Which reminds me. My own one, while out on my business trip I saw this and thought instantly of you. _(reaches inside his bag and produces a thick, bound blue book)_.

**Cecily**: A new diary! Oh Algernon, how lovely.

**Algernon**: I am so glad you like it. Now, please excuse us, I must show Bunbury to the tea room. We both agreed we were quite famished.

**Cecily**: Oh, but you couldn't possibly. Dear Earnest should be arriving at any moment along with Gwendolen and the baby. You shall have to wait.

**Algernon**: But Cecily!

**Cecily**: It will not be long, tea will be served soon. Lane!

_Enter _Lane.

**Lane**: Yes ma'am.

**Cecily**: Lane, tea is quite ready is it not?

**Lane**: I shall see to it immediately ma'am.

**Cecily**: Thank you.

Lane _bows and exits._

**Cecily**: You see, there is nothing to worry about. Now please excuse me, I must write the most extraordinary development into my diary.

_Exit _Cecily.

**Bunbury**: I do hope you still share my fondness for cucumber sandwiches. S'ink me, I do love cucumber sandwiches.

**Algernon**: Indeed, I do.

**Bunbury**: I have to say your dear Cecily seems to have you quite 'under her thumb' as they say.

**Algernon**: One has to oblige to a lady Bunbury, I merely act to content her.

**Bunbury**: _(skeptically)_ Of course my dear fellow, of course. S'ink me, how could I have thought otherwise. I do say though, all this talk of myself has rather intrigued me.

_Enter_ Lane.

**Algernon**: Well Bunbury-.

**Lane**: (_interrupting_) Tea is ready sir.

**Algernon**: Splendid.

_Exit_ Lane.

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, about time. I'm absolutely famished. I think I will just help myself to a cucumber sandwich.

_Exit_ Bunbury.

_(There is a knock at the door)_

_Enter_ Lane.

**Lane**: Mr. and Mrs. Moncrieff.

_Enter_ Earnest _and _Gwendolen, Gwendolen _is cradling a baby wrapped in several layers of blankets._

**Algernon**: Earnest, Gwendolen, do come in. The most extraordinary meeting took place toady at the train station. You'll never guess who, it was my good friend Bunbury.

**Earnest**: Oh Algernon! Not that absurd nonsense again. I do wish you would leave poor Bunbury in peace.

**Algernon**: But it's true, he's in the tea room right now.

_Enter_ Bunbury _holding a cucumber sandwich, followed by a rather disapproving _Cecily.

**Earnest**: _(Not seeing Bunbury)_ But Bunbury died! You killed him, remember?

**Cecily and Gwendolen**: Pardon?!

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, how perfectly scandalous.

**Earnest**: _(sees Bunbury)_ Oh! William, my dear fellow. I did not realize you were an acquaintance of my unfortunate brother.

**Bunbury**: Nor did I! _(to Algernon)_ You have a brother?!

**Algernon**: Yes, I discovered him just over two years ago.

**Bunbury**: Discovered! S'ink me, that is most exciting.

**Algernon**: Indeed. _(turning back to Earnest who is looking rather confused)_ You have made a mistake my dear brother. This is not William as you claim him to be. This is Bunbury-.

**Bunbury**: _(interrupts Algernon)_ S'ink me, it is Lord Bunbury in fact. Lord Bunbury Cardinal.

**Algernon**: You can see he is quite alive and well.

**Earnest**: _(to Bunbury) _Bunbury! But you always told me that your name was William Hasleby and nobody said anything about a Lord.

**Bunbury**: I must confess that I am not a William of any sort.

**Algernon**: Bunbury! You have been Bunburying!

**Bunbury**: And why ever not? It is named after me. S'ink me, anyway, I do not seem to be the only one my dear fellow.

**Algernon**: You are much mistaken, I gave it up. I am married to Cecily now.

**Gwendolen**: _(to Cecily) _Men! They speak just as much nonsense as each other!

**Cecily**: Indeed, my dear Gwendolen. Let us leave them to it.

**Gwendolen**: Oh, let me show you my new Perambulator. Little Percival does love it so.

_Exit_ Cecily and Gwendolen.

**Bunbury**: But how could you Algy, all those weekends at school.

**Algernon**: I must admit that I will dearly miss my poor friend Bunbury, but he had to go.

**Bunbury**: I won't have it, it simply will not do. S'ink me, Bunburying is a perfectly healthy hobby and I won't see one's talents wasted. We shall have to go Bunburying.

**Earnest**: No we shall not! I've had my share of this so called Bunburying and it is most appalling.

**Algernon**: But without it you'd never have met Gwendolen.

**Earnest**: Yes, but I have met Gwendolen now and I have no more need of it.

**Algernon**: But how do you know that you have no more need of it? You may meet a man who goes on to save your life.

**Earnest**: Only if the Bunburying put me in such a situation in the first place.

**Bunbury**: But how do you know? What if it led you to meet your soul mate?

**Earnest**: I've already met my soul mate, Gwendolen.

**Algernon**: But how do you know? What if it led you into a most exciting adventure?

**Earnest**: I don't go looking for adventure and adventure doesn't go looking for me.

**Bunbury**: But how do you know? What if -.

**Earnest**: Stop it, stop it the both of you. I just know, so stop asking these ridiculous questions. You're just as bad as each other. Now, if you don't mind I'd like to join Gwendolen and Cecily for tea, if I am still a guest at this house.

**Algernon**: And I shall join you, I haven't eaten since leaving the train station. Will you be joining us Bunbury?

**Bunbury**: S'ink me, my appetite is most satisfied, but I'm sure I could manage another one of those delightful muffins.

_(Exit Algernon, Bunbury and Earnest)_

**Algernon**: _(voice from offstage) _Bunbury! You've eaten all the cucumber sandwiches!


End file.
